you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
