My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
