so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
