it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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