When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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