A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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