Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
