I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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