I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
