We're like a lot better than the average bears
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
did i walk over a car last night?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize