hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
