i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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