hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
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