The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just gift wrapped bread.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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