my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
