Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
