I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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