Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize