You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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