i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She swung at the pinata with crutches
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
