if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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