Soap is not a condiment
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
