It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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