oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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