I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
