im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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