what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
