we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
