I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
