he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
