At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
All the doctor said was why
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
