It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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