oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
