remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
