I cannot find my penis.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
