If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize