You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
