The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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