Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
