He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize