You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
