he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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