She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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