I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
