Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
