And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
