in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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