Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize