so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize