last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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