I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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