I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
