I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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