I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
