dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We had sex on a dog bed..
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
