so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
