his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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