Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
