I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
