A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
