its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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