they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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