Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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