After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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