why didn't you poke me back
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
